Tuesday, September 9, 2008

New iPod Touch, Nano, & Itunes

The new iPod Touches are sexual. I got the first iPod Touch last year in November. It was great... for like 2 months. Now it's lame as hell. But I do want the 2g iPod touch, because it has speakers and external volume controls. Oh, and might I add, I got the 8gb version last year for $315, and now the new 16gb is only $300?! Please help me figure out that logic. I'm so pissed.

How Lame are the new nanos? Why is apple backtracking? First they made it super small and innovative, now they are making them huge, and oval-ish? I don't get it in the least! Will you be buying one?

What in the hell is this shit? What's Genius? Why would I want to search for songs by the album? And when the hell am I going to be able to change the color from that ugly grey and blue? If you know whats going on, PLEASE give me some answers.

As soon as I can scrape up some cash, I might sell my old iPod Touch, and get the new 16gb. But I'd rather save up for a macbook. Since I am a comedian/musician/videomaker/blogger. I've been dying for one forever. A few months ago, I had 600 dollars, and instead of waiting and saving for a macbook, I went and got a fucking HP. I know, I'm stupid. But thats wayyyy off topic.

Do YOU like the new itunes? Will you be replacing your old iPod touch/other mp3 player for the new 2g iPod touch? How gross are the new nanos? Let me Know!

Love you Bitches <3

& my itunes

Lance Armstrong Coming Back!

Today, Lance Armstrong, cancer survivor, founder and chairman of the Lance Armstrong Foundation (LAF) and cycling champion, released the following statement regarding his return to professional sports:

"I am happy to announce that after talking with my children, my family and my closest friends, I have decided to return to professional cycling in order to raise awareness of the global cancer burden. This year alone, nearly eight million people will die of cancer worldwide. Millions more will suffer in isolation, victims not only of the disease but of social stigma. After the passage of Proposition 15 in Texas, a $3 billion investment in the fight against cancer which is helping to make this disease part of the national dialogue in America, it's now time to address cancer on a global level."


Exclusive Lindsay Lohan Photos And Interview

These pictures of Lindsay Lohan are SO fabulous! Ridiculous. I've always loved her, and always will.

Even in the stale quiet of a trailer at 9 a.m., Lindsay Lohan is compulsively watchable. There's the tough-chick look - the lush locks scalloping around her Ray-Ban aviators; the breathlessly parted lips; the faded jeans molded to her thighs and tiny butt, worn with tinfoil Lanvin flats. And there's the constant activity. If Lohan's not texting her manager, Jenni Muro, who's sitting 4 feet away, she's firing up a Parliament Light, carrying around an open laptop and downloading songs, or nipping into the trailer bedroom and changing clothes, for no apparent reason. For a brief while she'll wear a vintage concert tee. When I ask the name of the band on the faded shirt, Muro replies with a laugh, "Misplaced Childhood. Is that the ultimate answer?"

Lohan is almost too distracted to notice a stranger in her midst; when we meet, her handshake is limp, the fingers soft and pale as cigarettes. But while it's tempting to pathologize her nervous preoccupations, it's worth remembering that the girl, just 22, is trying to keep a lid on one full-on, nonstop mind-fuck of a life.

Consider: As we kill time watching TV in the trailer, waiting for Lohan to be called to the set of the upcoming indie Labor Pains, the morning hen-fest The View comes on. To Lohan's surprise, today's guests are her mother and sister, Dina and Ali Lohan.

Lindsay dumps a cigarette butt in a half-inch of brown liquid in a Styrofoam cup and takes a seat on the built-in couch opposite the TV, smiling to herself as they answer questions. "I've learned from my sister what to do and what not to do," says Ali, 14, a singer, whom Lindsay describes as "a really tough cookie." Regarding their new reality show, Living Lohan, Ali explains, "We're showing people who we really are and that we're not crazy people." ("Obviously, we're just a normal family living in suburbia," says Dina, unconvincingly.) For most young women, the spectacle would constitute a mortifying mash-up of the public and the private, but for Lindsay Lohan, it's just life. Her chief reaction to the show: "I wanted to pull Ali's hair down on the left side the whole time. It was bugging me!"

There's Red Bull in the fridge and a flesh-colored thong dangling from a hanger near the bathroom. Outside the trailer, a bulldog slurps from a water dish. His name is Cadillac, and he belongs to Samantha Ronson, the proto-scenester and DJ with whom Lohan is enmeshed, although she refuses to confirm no-brainer rumors that they are lovers. Lohan's anecdotes are studded with references to Ronson; noting a star tattoo on her hand, she says, "Samantha has a bunch of stars, so I got that. And she got this" - indicating a little heart. When she tells me, with a giggle, that she's looking to buy a house "with someone," it just seems obvious who that someone is. But when I ask Lohan specifically about the relationship, she says, "Um, people can think what they want. I'm really happy, and that's all that matters." As for the newspaper item claiming she yelled at Ashley Olsen to "get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend" when she saw Olsen talking to Ronson at a club last April, Lohan retorts, "No! No. I never said anything like that. I would never talk like that. I mean, get me angry enough and I'm sure I'll have something to say, but I didn't say that."

With three stints in rehab behind her (and the threat of jail, if she violates her probation), Lohan has had a relatively peaceful time of it in recent months, leading me to suggest that Ronson's a good influence. "She's a great person," Lohan says. "And she's a great influence on people around her. But I think that anything that's changed in my life is because of me. I've gone through it and I've had to deal with it and I've made the decision to move forward. So yeah, she's a great person," Lohan concludes of Ronson, who'll come loping across the parking lot to the trailer later on wearing her signature porkpie hat, plus a T-shirt, jeans, and cinder-block-size red trainers, emphatically unlaced.

Despite the apparently acute ADD, Lohan seems keenly aware of the fact that she's starting a new chapter - that she knows how much she stands to lose and that life has given her another chance. After a rebuke from a producer of her 2007 movie Georgia Rule for partying too much, after concern that she might be deemed uninsurable by Hollywood, she's methodically rebuilding her career, giving her all to a first-time film director, Lara Shapiro, for the low-budget Labor Pains, working on a danceable, R&B-type follow-up to her second album, A Little More Personal (Raw), and submitting to the family-friendly small screen, in a guest spot on Ugly Betty. It's a page out of the career-rehab playbook of Robert Downey Jr., whose return from the dark side started with a recurring role on Ally McBeal. (No word yet on whether guest spots on How I Met Your Mother can save Britney Spears.)

"He's an amazing actor," Lohan says of Downey. "Look at people like that who have gone through shit and had to work that much harder to get to where they are now." Lying on the bed in her trailer now, atop a pink comforter, looking at me through narrowed go-go girl eyes beneath a thick canopy of fake lashes, Lohan says, "I've learned. I'll never go back. And it's not a never-say-never type thing - it's just, I know. I know."

If Lohan is any closer to attaining that elusive, soul-saving thing, perspective, it owes in large part to the shrewd, protective Muro, a 13-year ovarian-cancer survivor, who recently took over management duties from Lohan's mother. "When I open the window and breathe in the air, that's a good day," Muro tells me. "All this crap doesn't matter. Life is much bigger than that. I share my perspective with her, and I don't think anyone else has really done that." But Muro is also strategic - for instance, welcoming paparazzi shots of Lohan on the set, working (as opposed to tumbling out of a club). As such, whenever Lohan is called to the set, she dutifully does the pap walk - texting feverishly behind a curtain of hair, while grungy lensmen scamper alongside. It's a smart move, reminding the world that Lohan actually has a job, as her considerable talent is the one thing that can redeem her. Playing a secretary who's pretending to be pregnant so she won't get fired, Lohan puts a fresh, funny spin on her lines during each of the dozen or so takes - she's just a pro. "Lindsay has incredible comedic instincts," says Shapiro. "She's such a natural, and it's amazing to watch her bring things to life. The lightness and quickness she brings is just really fun to watch." As for the legendary Lohan baggage she also brings, Shapiro says, "I don't really worry about stuff like that. She's here, she's on time, she's ready. I'm focused on what's happening in front of the camera, and she's been great."

Whereas Lohan used to live in hotels - "I didn't want to be alone, so whatever I needed I could just go downstairs and there were people there" - she now recognizes the unhealthiness of that. "It wasn't a way of life," she says. "Not very consistent." Whereas she once owned a pair of puppies, like every other high-gloss attention-seeker in Hollywood, she now admits she "got them on a whim - I wasn't in the right headspace" to take care of them (so she gave them to her mother). Whereas the petulant, postadolescent, hungover Lohan could single-handedly roil a movie set with a grimace, she now accepts the responsibility that comes with being a star of her wattage. "It's a lot of pressure, because everyone's depending on you," Lohan says. "And your mood, when you go on set, everybody feels it. On a day when you're tired, it's important to just say good morning to everyone so they're kind of aware that it's gonna be a good day. Jamie Lee Curtis" - her Freaky Friday costar - "told me that."

Problem is, when you're Lindsay Lohan, the drama tends to roll in by the hour. "There was this one day when something happened with my dad, and my best friend's grandmother passed away, and I was upset, and everyone [on set] kind of changed, and I felt it," she says. Later, back in her trailer, she pulled herself together. "But it's hard, because then, when do you feel?"

The thing that happened with her dad, Michael Lohan, the former felon who careens in and out of Lindsay's life, leaving a trail of tabloid sludge - that would be the revelation that he might have another daughter, now 13, the result of a fling with a Montana massage therapist. "I don't know what's going on with it," Lohan says, wearily. "I haven't asked him any questions. Apparently we've been in the dark for so many years. We've gone through enough with him. Enough is enough." As a result, she's shutting down communication with Dad for a bit - "until he decides to be a grown-up."

Read the rest of You Don't Mess With The Lohan in the October issue of Marie Claire - on newsstands now!


Jessica Simpson on Good Morning America

This morning, Jessica Simpson performed her song "Come On Over" from her new country album on Good Morning America.

Why does this bitch even try? She can't sing well regularly, and when she adds that stupid country "twang", it's just a damn mess. Real country fans aren't fooled.

I for one miss her Nick and Jessica days. Nows she's just a poor, sorry, has-been. Oh well!


Usher is Having Another Baby!

In Touch Weekly is reporting that Ushers wife Tameka is pregnant with another baby! The fetus is said to be due in December.

Oh no! Whyyy! Usher used to be in my wet dreams when I was young. I wanted his pito more then you need to know. He used to be sooo gorgeous. I'd lay in bed with his music playing and try to hit the high notes along with him. Now this beast of a man woman Tameka is slowly but surely taking away his sexy. I can't touch myself to a man with 2 kids and a wife! One kid and a beast, maybe, but not 2 kids. Fucklife.


Paris and Britney Gettin' It On

"My new album's out soon and it would be hot if I could do a duet with Britney. It is really poppy and sounds a bit like Kylie Minogue," the hotel heiress said.

Please oh Please, don't let this be true! Even on Britney's worst day, she is no where near as lame as Paris Hilton. Don't get me wrong, I love Miss Hilton. The Simple Life was one of my favorite shows. And between her same pose on every red carpet, and not really doing anything of importance, she gets me wet. But her music sucks. The only song I like by her is Turn It Up. That's my shittt.

Anyways, we could see 2 of Hollywood's biggest train wrecks together in a new trashy music video.

God help us...


Brooke Hogan is an Idiot... DUH

"Sarah Palin is splattered all over the news, but one person missed the gigantic memo about the Republican candidate: Brooke Hogan. When she was asked to give her opinion of the controversial 'pit bull,' Brooke flashed a confused look and asked, "Who's that?" Has Brooke been hiding under a rock the last few weeks?"

What an idiot! This hot tranny mess girl really needs to spend less time with her meathead daddy, and more time watching the news. Or even Youtube. This shit is disgusting. Most people are bored with all of Palins' drama and stupidity. Brooke doesn't even know who she is!

It's too early for this mess.


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